General

It sounds like you're opposing being fat to attractiveness which is not appropriate for this site. Fat people can 'rely on looks' too.

Also, fatness is not a barrier to happiness. Rather than simply blaming your weight, focus on other aspects of yourself that may be holding you back.

Once you've understood these things, do what you want, it's your body.

Dude we can't make it better. Only you can.

If that's the real & only reason why your fiancée left, you should be relieved, not sad! Thank goodness you didn't go ahead with marrying someone who was only prepared to be with you if you stayed a certain weight.

I'm sorry your friend died Maybe use the anniversary to do something to celebrate his life and what you & he got from the times he was around.

I know it's hard but positivity attracts positive influences in your life.